الآء

You grow up with these people, you exchange laughter, tears, memorable moments. You share clothe, advice, happy moments. You become the best of friends.

You begin to wear the Hejab. Some disappear.
You begin speaking about the Neqab, Jilbaab, `abayaahs. Some disappear.
You begin advising them about matters. Some disappear.
You begin working on your character, your modesty, your humbleness, your nafs. Some disappear.
You stop gossiping, backbiting, refraining from ill speech. Some disappear.
You become less talkative, more listening, more quiet, more observing. Some disappear.

& then it begins:

“Who does she think she is?”
“She thinks she’s better than everyone else?”
“Why is she so judgmental?”
“What a hypocrite!”
“Ugh, I can’t stand people like her.”
“What a fake.”

& then you realize…

all those times of laughter that were exchanged, were sprinkled with hatred. The memorable moments were filled with deep rooted envy. You were never the best of friends. You were people that had things in common; you were strangers that laughed together. You were the shadows of each other reminiscing about non-existant times of happyness. Because HAD they been your friends, they would love what you loved and hated what you hated. Had they been your friends, they would know you were never judgmental and would love your advice. Had they been your friends they would know that when someone changes for the better…they’re changing for the better and it doesn’t take away from THEIR deeds. Had they been your friends they would understand that you only wanted what was best for them.

You were never friends.

You were people that stumbled upon each other with commonalities only to go your opposite ways. Had you been friends, you would remain as so.

Delusions.

11:35 PM on Tuesday 21st February 2012 with 49 notes and Comments

tagged: friday night rants personal I know it's not friday but I'll call it the friday night segments ramblings friends acquaintances